Greetings all. I know it’s a silly little thing, but this is my website and I get to determine what’s important. And if I decide celebration of one of the greatest pastry inventions of Humanity through the thin veneer of a pun with a mathematical principle is important, than so be it. Thus, behold my contribution to the pride of baked goods:
The recipe used was the ‘Heartlands Rose Apple and Blackberry Pie’ from the official DnD cookbook ‘Heroes Feast’. As such, I will not be including the recipe here. But I will note I used Cosmic Crisp apples [Footnote 1] and went a little bit heavier on the cinnamon because it just felt right. There are a few things I want to do better next time — for instance, I think the ratio of apples to blackberries is slightly skewed towards the former when I’d prefer a more berry-driven pie since Blackberry Pie is clearly the superior pie [Footnote 2] — and feel somewhat uncomfortable in ignoring the wisdom of my forebears. To wit, my mother always uses two types of apples, one of which being Granny Smith, when baking an apple pie and prefers using frozen blackberries to fresh. Both pieces of advice I intend to follow in my next attempt, if only to compare and contrast the different results.
With all that being said, go forth my friends, and delight in the wonders of Human ingenuity. Delight in the marvels of baking. Bring pride to our bloodline, prove our superiority over the wild and the horrors of the night, and construct thyself a citadel of crust and filling. For the spirit of the pie is the spirit of Humanity.
Footnote 1: I would have preferred a more straightforward baking apple, but it felt close enough and they were on sale. What can I say? I like to shop thrifty.
Footnote 2: As it stands, Apple Pie is a good pie. I like Apple Pie. But it’s the baseline. It’s like vanilla ice cream or cheese pizza. Acceptable on its own, but nothing more than a blank canvas when compared to a whole world of artistry in food. Apple Pie isn’t quite a blank canvas in the same way, since you don’t really want to play around with it as much as the two examples given, but I would almost always prefer something a little more exciting when given the option. Now Blackberry Pie… That’s where it’s at. Tart, sweet, got a good balance between it all. Berries are already the best category of fruit, so it’s only natural that they render into a superior pie filling. And a common complaint I’ve heard is “But it’s not blackberry season”. Lies, lies, lies! Nothing but lies! As already stated, frozen blackberries provide a perfectly fine substitute and even function better in making a pie because of what the freezing process does to them. Do not let the folly of the past blind you to the true wisdom of the Human race. Through refrigeration, we’ve conquered such petty concerns as seasonality when it pertains to hobby pastry. Long live the Blackberry Pie, a pie for all seasons!
Footnote 3: Ideally, I’ll be able to actually bring myself to get another Rambling done this Friday. Stay tuned.
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